WARNING: vent/sad.
Hey, all. I am having a hard day in my pumping journey and in motherhood in general. I passed a clogged duct today (which I didn't know I had) and am feeling discouraged because that means that after 6 months of exclusively pumping, I still have not figured out how to fully empty my breasts. I pump for an hour every time and can still hand express plenty. I feel that out of the flange sizes I have measured myself as, and the settings I have tried, nothing is working. I even had a consult and everything and struggled to answer her questions as of why I am doing what I am, because I really don't know. I just want to see milk going into the bottles when I pump. It's like my breasts wont give the milk up, and my nipples are becoming sensitive from the suction. It's like I need a serious amount of suction internally, but my nipples wouldn't like it. I have a great supply but I am leaving behind milk and I don't want to. My daughter has stopped napping during my morning pump and I have just been so stressed lately. Despite a great supply and hundreds upon hundreds of ounces stashed away, a good support system, and a happy baby...I still feel like such an utter failure. I needed to write this out and get it off my chest (...literally? Lol) so sorry if this was too negative. I was hoping maybe someone else has gone through similar situations or at least similar feelings and has some words of wisdom or even just empathy.
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I'm not new around here lol. I just don't want to give false hope. Also, if you are a client you can always use the secure message portal for questions. I've asked stuff there and not even had to pull back up.